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soufflesandbowties:

50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”

(Source: soufflles, via bookish-to-a-fault)

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ananasbooks:

I miss the times when I used to pick the books to read by browsing around the library or bookstore for hours and not because of their hype or sales rank or goodreads rating.

(via thebooker)

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cammyjb:

monobeartheater:

snark0lepsy:

The Whitest Kids U’ Know x

whitest kids u know arent even close to fucking around

One of the people I follow was talking the other day about how the pledge of allegiance is creepy. I think it was Jaja?

(via cuteawkwardnerd)

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#n2 icecream made with dry ice. Topped off with a syringe of warm chocolate fondant I could have injected straight into my veins. #family #icecream #delicious

#n2 icecream made with dry ice. Topped off with a syringe of warm chocolate fondant I could have injected straight into my veins. #family #icecream #delicious

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j0ye:

OKAY SO I’M GONNA DROP A STORY ON Y’ALL 
MY FOLLOWERS KNOW THAT I’M PRETTY UNIQUE LOOKING
I HAVE A GNARLY UNDERCUT, A SHORT HAIRCUT, AND AS OF YESTERDAY MY HAIR IS BRIGHT PURPLE, AND I TEND TO WEAR CLOTHES OF THE ALL-BLACK-SHORT-SKIRTS-THIGH-HIGHS-INTIMIDATING-HEAD-BITCH-IN-CHARGE VARIETY
MY FOLLOWERS ALSO KNOW THAT I HAVE A RAD LITTLE THREE-YEAR-OLD SON NAMED OLIVER WHO IS MY WORLD
ONE DAY, OLIVER AND I WERE AT THE STORE, AND WE WERE WALKING PAST THE CEREAL, SINGING A SONG TOGETHER AND OVERALL JUST BEING CUTE BECAUSE WE’RE FUCKING ADORABLE, AND THIS MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WAS WALKING THE OTHER WAY WITH HER HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER. I’M USED TO PEOPLE STARING AT ME, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING I WAS ROCKING BLUE HAIR AND A OUIJA BOARD SHIRT AND A HELLA CUTE VELVET MINISKIRT THIS SPECIFIC DAY, SO I IGNORED HER GLARING AT ME AND CONTINUED ON LOOKING AT THE PANDA PUFFS
THEN I STARTED HEARING HER MUTTER UNDER HER BREATH ABOUT ME, SAYING STUFF LIKE, “Irresponsible teen mom couldn’t keep her legs closed” AND, “Her son is going to be so messed up because she has absolutely no self-respect”
NORMALLY I JUST LET IT GO, BUT THAT DAY OLIVER AND I WERE SINGING THE SHINS SO I WAS IN A REALLY GOOD MOOD AND FELT CONFIDENT, SO I STOPPED MY CART AND SAID, “Excuse me, did you say something?”. SHE KINDA STARTED BLUSHING AND SAID NO, TO WHICH I REPLIED, “Well, it seems you kinda did say something. Something about me being irresponsible and not having respect for myself?” AND THIS WOMAN WAS BRIGHT RED AT THIS AND HER HUSBAND WAS JUST TRYNA HURRY HER ALONG AT THAT POINT BUT I HELLA WAS NOT GONNA LET HER GET AWAY WITH SHIT TALKING ME SO I SAID, “You know, I do respect myself. I have my hair like this because I respect myself enough to do it and have the confidence to pull it off, and I dress like this because I respect the fact that I have killer legs that I don’t want to hide just because some old crows glare at me over it. My self-respect has nothing to do with my parenting ability, but if it did, I’d say it’s been a positive correlation because my son is respectful of everyone and doesn’t judge people based on their appearances. He knows that people look how they do because that’s just how they want to look, and that’s how all three-year-olds are until they get to the age where they see the fact that their parents are scowling at a girl who has bright hair, or a boy who wears a skirt, and that’s the age where they become insufferable assholes like you.” AND LET ME JUST SAY THIS WOMAN’S JAW DROPPED FASTER THAN THE TRIX BOX SHE WAS HOLDING AS I FUCKIN SASHAYED OUT WITH MY PANDA PUFFS AND CARRIED ON SINGING~*~*~

j0ye:

OKAY SO I’M GONNA DROP A STORY ON Y’ALL 

MY FOLLOWERS KNOW THAT I’M PRETTY UNIQUE LOOKING

I HAVE A GNARLY UNDERCUT, A SHORT HAIRCUT, AND AS OF YESTERDAY MY HAIR IS BRIGHT PURPLE, AND I TEND TO WEAR CLOTHES OF THE ALL-BLACK-SHORT-SKIRTS-THIGH-HIGHS-INTIMIDATING-HEAD-BITCH-IN-CHARGE VARIETY

MY FOLLOWERS ALSO KNOW THAT I HAVE A RAD LITTLE THREE-YEAR-OLD SON NAMED OLIVER WHO IS MY WORLD

ONE DAY, OLIVER AND I WERE AT THE STORE, AND WE WERE WALKING PAST THE CEREAL, SINGING A SONG TOGETHER AND OVERALL JUST BEING CUTE BECAUSE WE’RE FUCKING ADORABLE, AND THIS MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WAS WALKING THE OTHER WAY WITH HER HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER. I’M USED TO PEOPLE STARING AT ME, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING I WAS ROCKING BLUE HAIR AND A OUIJA BOARD SHIRT AND A HELLA CUTE VELVET MINISKIRT THIS SPECIFIC DAY, SO I IGNORED HER GLARING AT ME AND CONTINUED ON LOOKING AT THE PANDA PUFFS

THEN I STARTED HEARING HER MUTTER UNDER HER BREATH ABOUT ME, SAYING STUFF LIKE, “Irresponsible teen mom couldn’t keep her legs closed” AND, “Her son is going to be so messed up because she has absolutely no self-respect”

NORMALLY I JUST LET IT GO, BUT THAT DAY OLIVER AND I WERE SINGING THE SHINS SO I WAS IN A REALLY GOOD MOOD AND FELT CONFIDENT, SO I STOPPED MY CART AND SAID, “Excuse me, did you say something?”. SHE KINDA STARTED BLUSHING AND SAID NO, TO WHICH I REPLIED, “Well, it seems you kinda did say something. Something about me being irresponsible and not having respect for myself?” AND THIS WOMAN WAS BRIGHT RED AT THIS AND HER HUSBAND WAS JUST TRYNA HURRY HER ALONG AT THAT POINT BUT I HELLA WAS NOT GONNA LET HER GET AWAY WITH SHIT TALKING ME SO I SAID, “You know, I do respect myself. I have my hair like this because I respect myself enough to do it and have the confidence to pull it off, and I dress like this because I respect the fact that I have killer legs that I don’t want to hide just because some old crows glare at me over it. My self-respect has nothing to do with my parenting ability, but if it did, I’d say it’s been a positive correlation because my son is respectful of everyone and doesn’t judge people based on their appearances. He knows that people look how they do because that’s just how they want to look, and that’s how all three-year-olds are until they get to the age where they see the fact that their parents are scowling at a girl who has bright hair, or a boy who wears a skirt, and that’s the age where they become insufferable assholes like you.” AND LET ME JUST SAY THIS WOMAN’S JAW DROPPED FASTER THAN THE TRIX BOX SHE WAS HOLDING AS I FUCKIN SASHAYED OUT WITH MY PANDA PUFFS AND CARRIED ON SINGING~*~*~

(Source: krl-vnzla, via gonnaletthelightshine)

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mugglebornheadcanon:

768. A clinically depressed muggleborn gets really excited about learning the Patronus Charm since it’s basically corporeal happiness. They use theirs to keep them company when they get to a low place.

(Source: charleywren, via youdonebuck-edup)

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ass-butt-fallen-angel:

stiles2014:

i hate it when my “friends” just dismiss something i’m really passionate about like “oh you’re talking about that again” like shut up don’t ruin this for me do you know how many times i’ve pretended to care or even genuinely tried to get interested in what you like????? the least you could do is fake it rather than making me feel like a burden

This is one of the most hurtful things friends do

(Source: elizabethoslen, via aphfandoms)

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geneticallyidenticals:

*cringes at 9 year old me*

*cringes at 13 year old me*

*cringes at year ago me*

*cringes at day ago me*

*cringes at future me*

(Source: mistienight, via gerchak)

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mountaintrolls:

150% sure i understand quidditch more than any real sport on the planet

(Source: nevillesluna, via aphfandoms)

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angharadismyhero:

iwillfindyouandiwillshipyou:

Omg today when I woke up I was so confused that I couldn’t remember my first language and I panicked and literally screamed ‘But I dont even know how to speak french’ in english.

I’m german.

I am oddly glad that this can happen.

(via aphfandoms)

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"Come lie with me. I wanna talk about nothing with someone that means something."

— (via ephe)

(Source: trillvcvm, via lovequotesrus)

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harmoni0880:

i’ve blogged this like 5 times and i still love it

(via trust-me-im-the-editor)

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isimonito:

theannieplanet:

cutting-will-always-be-my-life:

All credit goes to - japharts

**Trigger warning**

This, literally, is dead on exactly how I feel, and probably a lot of you guys too.

if you ever wonder why I’m surprised when you call me your friend or when you say you want to hang out or when you say you miss me

It’s sad some people think like this I want to give them a hug

(via trust-me-im-the-editor)

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legalmexican:

hugging me from behind and kissing my neck at the same time is a good way to melt my heart

(via aphfandoms)