I’m really happy my best friend had an old friend get in contact with her and I know they used to be close no matter what happened between them so I just hope things work out.
We were grabbing a bite of lunch at a small cafe, in a mall, right across from a booth that sold jewelry and where ears could be pierced for a fee. A mother approaches with a little girl of six or seven years old. The little girl is clearly stating that she doesn’t want her ears pierced, that’s she’s afraid of how much it will hurt, that she doesn’t like earrings much in the first place. Her protests, her clear ‘no’ is simply not heard. The mother and two other women, who work the booth, begin chatting and trying to engage the little girl in picking out a pair of earrings. She has to wear a particular kind when the piercing is first done but she could pick out a fun pair for later.
"I don’t want my ears pierced."
"I don’t want any earrings."
The three adults glance at each other conspiratorially and now the pressure really begins. She will look so nice, all the other girls she knows wear earrings, the pain isn’t bad.
She, the child, sees what’s coming and starts crying. As the adults up the volume so does she, she’s crying and emitting a low wail at the same time. “I DON’T WANT MY EARS PIERCED.”
Her mother leans down and speaks to her, quietly but strongly, the only words we could hear were ‘… embarrassing me.’
We heard, then, two small screams, when the ears were pierced.
Little children learn early and often that ‘no doesn’t mean no.’
Little children learn early that no one will stand with them, even the two old men looking horrified at the events from the cafeteria.
Little girls learn early and often that their will is not their own.
No means no, yeah, right.
Most often, for kids and others without power, ”no means force.”"
from "No Means Force" at Dave Hingsburger’s blog.
This is important. It doesn’t just apply to little girls and other children, though it often begins there.
For the marginalized, our “no’s” are discounted as frivolous protests, rebelliousness, or anger issues, or we don’t know what we’re talking about, or we don’t understand what’s happening.
When “no means force” we become afraid to say no.
do you think like 600 years ago book nerds got real mad when the printing press was invented because filthy casuals could get books without having to copy them out themselves
Actually yes they did
and there were certain ancient Greeks who were angry when writing was invented, because it meant that literature was more accessible to the filthy casual masses
true shit, people
People never change do they
we got taller
- 1. had sex?
- 2. bought condoms?
- 3. gotten pregnant?
- 4. failed a class?
- 5. kissed a boy?
- 6. kissed a girl?
- 7. had a job?
- 8. left the house without my wallet?
- 9. bullied someone on the internet?
- 10. sexted?
- 11. had sex in public?
- 12. smoked weed?
- 13. smoked cigarettes?
- 14. smoked a cigar?
- 15. drank alcohol?
- 16. been to a wedding?
- 17. been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
- 18. watched tv for 5 hours straight?
- 19. been late for school?
- 20. kissed in the rain?
- 21. showered with someone else?
- 22. been outside my home country?
- 23. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours?
- 24. had lice?
- 25. gotten my heart broken?
- 26. had a credit card?
- 27. been to a professional sports game?
- 28. broken a bone?
- 29. been unhappy about my weight?
- 30. won a trophy?
- 31. cut myself?
- 32. been on a diet?
- 33. rode in a taxi?
- 34. stayed up for 24 hours or more?
- 35. been to a concert?
- 36. had a crush on someone of the same sex?
- 37. had braces?
- 38. wore make up?
- 39. lost my virginity before I was 16?
- 40. kissed someone a different race than myself?
- 41. Snuck out of the house?
- 42. had oral sex?
- 43. dyed my hair?
- 44. met someone famous?
- 45. been on vacation?
- 46. been on a boat?
- 47. been on an airplane?
- 48. prank called someone?
- 49. taken a pregnancy test?
- 50. been suspended from school?